We all know the problem with drug testing.
You have this constant risk of losing your job.
So you work crap jobs.
Jobs which barely make a living. Jobs which (let’s be honest) you’re going to really hate.
I’m not saying having a toke isn’t worth it.
But I AM saying you don’t have to actually make a choice between the two.
It used to be really easy to beat a drug test. All you had to do was drink a bunch of water enough to dilute the results right down and that was that.
But that’s not what happened to Max.
Max was great at his job. But corporate rules came in and Max lost his job.
Within a month he was working in MacDonald’s. Miserable and making a fraction of the money.
And every time he went looking for a better job. One he actually liked? He faced a pre employment drug test.
Max didn’t know if he’d pass. And didn’t want to get a job he’d lose to another random test.
It was stupid. Legally Max could smoke weed but because corporate rules hadn’t caught up yet he was stuck going nowhere.
Outdated and pointless rules were controlling his life.
Near the end of his shift one night he found himself serving fries and a shake to another writer he used to work with – Pete.
After a quick chat Max was amazed that Pete had passed his drug test without issue. In fact he’d even taken up another writing gig with a pre-employment test without a problem.
Pete had done a little digging.
Well, a lot of digging. He knew a guy who worked in a testing lab and an old college friend who knew the chemistry side of things.
Digging Max hadn’t been able to do. Sitting in a MacDonald’s booth after his shift Pete sketched out a rough guideline on what he does.
This original napkin design was the thing of legends for a while in small online communities.
It was typed up (that napkin got a bit messy) and expanded upon.
Max got himself a job he actually wanted again. Similar stories spread around the community.
Eventually that community fell quiet and their forum went offline. I’ve no idea what happened to the original Pete but I hope he’s enjoying a good toke somewhere.
But I do know what happened to his work.
In fact (with a little help) it’s been expanded and updated. It’s keeping up with the latest tests.
I’ve tidied it up a lot from the old design. This is the kind of rough outline you used to get.
(Don’t worry you don’t need to understand it we’ve come a long way since needing lab experience or Pete’s scrawling on a napkin).
The main thing Pete showed us all was how to manage this cycle.
And it’s available to you guys.
I promise it doesn’t look as messy as my notes there.
You don’t need to have lab experience. You don’t need to understand the chemistry and biology of it.
All we ask is that you respect the work of the old community and don’t publish it claiming it as your own work.
It’s based on the original work by Pete. Updated by the community on the old forums then updated again as tests became more complex.
A lot of studying and testing went into this.
Update! We’ve removed a lot of the jargon and explanation of things. You can download the full guide if you still need a full explanation of everything.
But a lot of people were finding it too difficult when really it’s very simple. So removing the boring parts and breaking it into a few steps:
What You’ll Need: Detox Kit
Ideally I’d suggest several specific items. If you can’t be bothered with that you could grab an all in one like this but your results might not be as good.
For the best results you want the best versions of course. These have the best reported results:
(Clicking the links will open a new page you won’t lose the guide).
Item 1 Your main cleanse: The 5 Day Detox (click here)
Item 2 Home test kit (to test yourself): Easy home test kit (click here)
Item 3 Your “hour before” cleanse (for best results): The one hour cleansing drink (click here)
*Optional* Item 4: If you’re facing a hair test (less common) you’ll want a shampoo like this: Ultra Clean (click here) you’ll also want a big bottle of vinegar. If you want to test your hair yourself before going to the test you can get one of these hair tests (click here) but I’d only do this if you know you’re getting hair tested and really want to pass – they’re not cheap.
You’ll Also Need To
Stop exercising until after the test. THC is stored inside fat tissue and exercising will release it to be detected. Leave it stored in there for now and after you pass your test you can exercise to clear it out.
Drink plenty of water. Let’s face it we all should be doing this anyway. If your urine is becoming overly clear you might want some Vitamin B supplements as well (you can get these easily from Amazon or any drug store) which would stop your urine from looking tampered on a drug test.
How to Use Them for Best Results
Plenty of people have tried something like the 5 day detox without really using it properly and failed the test. It’s not as simple as just popping a pill once a day and figuring job done.
It’s not hard either – just add a couple of things.
The first step is obviously to stop smoking.
The time requirement before passing a test is going to vary on a few factors.
How long you’ve been smoking.
How much you smoke.
Your body physiology.
But none of these things you can actually control. The kit we’ve suggested above will be enough for the majority of you and if you can’t pass the home kit it’s just rinse and repeat until you pass. A week should work for most though.
Each Day for Urine Tests (Most Common):
Use the daily detox (item 1). Follow the guide and don’t mess around with it. Morning and evening formula should be used at the right times and take with food. They won’t absorb properly if not with a meal.
The finisher formula should be used each day after the 5 day detox is finished.
Aim for at least 2 liters of water throughout the day. Fill a bottle and keep it with you until you finish it. A Vitamin B pill with dinner would be a good idea as well.
It’s unlikely they’ll be so outdated to do a swap test but just in case make sure you’re brushing your teeth properly and rinsing your mouth out often. A urine test is far more likely but a good idea to cover your bases.
Each Day for Hair Tests (Less Common):
Minimum you need to wash your hair with the cleanse shampoo linked above. Don’t just rinse it through, let it sit and massage into the roots.
If you can bare it (for best results) soak your hair in vinegar for half an hour first before cleaning it out with the shampoo. Not fun but will improve results.
Keep this up for a few days. You really need to keep up with it or you’ll prolong the time before you can pass.
Every Other Day
Every other day take one of the home drug test kits (item 2).
Just because your tests start to pass doesn’t mean you stop the detox. Keep it going the same way.
Right Before the Test
Before going in now is the time to use item 3, the one hour cleanse drink.
This by itself wouldn’t do much but with a combination of the detox (and plenty of water!) you should pass (not to mention it’ll help you actually piss at the test).
If you’re dealing with a hair test and unsure if you’re going to pass (item 4 does link a home hair test but they’re not cheap so you might be crossing your fingers to save money) you could bleach your hair and re-dye it before washing with the cleanse shampoo the night before. This won’t guarantee anything but it will help if you’re not able to test it yourself.